Into PR

– from Veer.com

Something about the business world makes me cringe sometimes. It’s the way people speak, especially to clients.

It reminds me of something I read in Stephen King’s ‘On Writing’ quite a few years back. He basically said it takes real talent to write simply. Not simplistically, but simply so people can understand and you don’t sound like a dunce. I think the same is true for how you speak. To me, using cliches like those below don’t make me feel that I’m more professional or well-spoken. Instead it makes me feel like I’m trying to prove to someone that I’m articulate, professional and well-spoken. The problem is, a lot of these cliches don’t even make much sense.

So here’s a list of my favorite oldie but goodies. If you use them, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, just a bit lazy and perhaps in too much of a rush.

Moving forward; adj (perhaps an adverb?) – Describes the future. Usually placed at the end of a sentence that contains an “action item,” see below. Eg., “I think coverage in these regional publications will prove very useful moving forward. – Thrown in at the end there, it doesn’t seem to add much of anything to the statement does it? I’m not entirely sure I know what it means.

One Off; adj. – I’m actually not entirely sure about this terms entire meaning. It may be colloquial, as I had never even heard it until I moved to San Francisco. I even had someone try to define it for me, and she couldn’t do it. escribes an instance where something happens only once. It’s meaning seems to stretch quite far, much like the F word. Eg., “This is just a one-off benefit that happens occasionally.”

Same page; noun – One of my least favorites. I loathe this term. It refers being on the same level with someone, in a consensus or that you are thinking in the same mindset. Eg., “I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page before I make the call.”

Touch base; verb – This is the most egregious of all business speak terms. It’s the “I Just Called to Say I Love You” of business speak. Loathe is just too soft of a word for it. It should be abolished with extreme prejudice. It usually means to follow up or check in with someone on something you have already contacted him/her about. Eg., “I just wanted to call and touch base with you to see if there was anything else you needed for your article.”

Best; noun (in this instance) – A salutation. In this case it’s used at the end of an e-mail as a closing. I think, however, it not only adds absolutely nothing to your e-mail, it also shows your unconscionable and extortionate laziness. Is it so hard to put a word like “regards,” “wishes” or any of the other obligatory and perfunctory business terms at the end of your e-mail? I prefer to get more creative and basic with my e-mail closings and add, depending on the context, salutations like “kind regards,” “with gratitude,” “take care,” “all the best,” etc. This one word, a solitary adjective no less, adds nothing to your message.

Shoot; verb – Usually used with “an e-mail.” This one is far less egregious. At least it tries to be cooler than saying, “send you an e-mail.” But why not stretch that a bit further and add something more creative? “I’m going to catapult you an e-mail,” or, “I’ll flick you off an e-mail later today,” or “I’ll bazooka you an e-mail this evening” (my personal favorite). Since when did “shoot” become a standard for describing how one will send an e-mail? Saying you’re going to shoot me an e-mail makes me want to shoot you in the face with a flare gun.

Straight-forward; adj. – Describes something that is self-explanatory or uncomplicated. This one as well is not so bad. But again, we can be much more creative about it. Or a better idea, just say “simple.” Eg., “This report should be pretty straight forward.”

Attached please find; verb – Usually at the beginning of a report or e-mail. Directs the reader to refer to an attachment. This one makes my soul throw up a little bit when I read it. Not that it’s grammatically wrong, but it doesn’t make much logical sense does it? Please for the love of God and all holy just say you’ve attached something to an e-mail. No need to church up an already and wholly unimportant aspect of your e-mail. Most e-mail programs have constructed cute little pictures (usually a paperclip) to show that there is an attachment. Telling the reader there’s an attachment is just a courtesy, but it by no means needs to sound so tight-assed.

PR; verb – Please do not ever use PR as a verb. It usually replaces “promote.” Eg., “This has been a great outcome. We should PR this to management.” If you’re trying to say that you need to make your efforts known, just use promote or flag or celebrate or any other word that would fit. PR is not a verb. Ever.

If you use any of these cliches, don’t worry. I do too. But some self-correction, a little less auto-pilot and some creativity can make your e-mails, speech and writing so much more personable.

If you have some stinky business-speak cliches, feel free to share them.

**Update** – For more great cliches to abolish immediately, check out Tom Mangan’s blog here.